


The Jealous BF

by AlixxBlack



Category: Selfie (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, No Plot, Suggestive language, first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2645417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixxBlack/pseuds/AlixxBlack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crack fic that I just threw together off and on over a very cold afternoon.</p><p>Eliza is temporarily living with Henry as Larry divorced. When she leaves her phone behind - Freddy texts for a booty call that Eliza scheduled and Henry deletes it because he doesn't want to share Eliza anymore.</p><p>(nothing happens in this story, it's just a first test fic to see how i feel writing in the selfie fandom)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jealous BF

 

 

            Freddy text Eliza twenty-five minutes ago and Henry had deleted the message right away. Eliza was expecting this text message, she had said so when Henry arrived. But with his eyes downcast on her phone he knew he was giving himself away. Eliza returned from his bathroom with hands stuffed on her face. He was proud of her for leaving her phone behind and not taking a “booty pic” for Freddy who was “Sup?”ing her at least five times during the work day now…

            “Your soap smells like a grandma, Henry.” She grumbles. As soon as she sits down she yanks her purse up from the ground and pulls out hand sanitizer. It has pink glitter and smells like.. “SUGAR PLUM STRAWBE-EE-EE-RIEE-EE-EE-S!”

            Henry jerks his focus to Eliza. He couldn’t say what it was that made him so mad that he was still treating Eliza as an immaterial object. Especially considering that she had made so much progress. In the last two weeks alone she had voluntarily babysat for Charmonique who went on a blind date Saperstein literally paid her to go on…

            She also volunteered to make a custom background for the business twitter account. After that, Saperstein gave her a raise. Then she gave Larry a ride home when his wife forgot to leave her extra car key at the office. She even took him out drinking when she dropped him off and found his wife actively cheating on him.

            Now… Larry was staying in her apartment while she stayed with him. When Henry shakes his head he realizes that he needs to respond to Eliza. This was his social cue, and all of the sudden now that Eliza was living _temporarily_ with him those cues evaded him.

            “Your artificially scented sanitizers are everywhere by in the bathroom, aren’t they?” Henry remarks. When he looks up at Eliza she is wearing blank look on her face. Henry furrows his brows with curiosity but she waves her hands everywhere. When he sits fully back in his chair he puts his hands in his pocket at he prepares for what expects will be an incredibly vapid explanation of her actions.

            However, Eliza surprises him, “You touched my phone.”

            “I did no such thing. I’ve watched you lick, _literally lick_ , that small rectangle.” Henry states. Unfortunately, he is very clearly lying to her. This is obvious… even to Eliza…

            “Yes,” She begins. She swipes her phone and sniffs it dramatically; “You apply your cologne with the outside edge of your thumbs. You also use the inside of your thumb to unlock phones, which is weird by the way, but my screen smells like your cologne.”

            Henry wanted to protest but he’s just impressed that she even recognizes any of that stuff. They sleep on opposite sides of his home. She gets up five minutes before they leave when Henry is rereading his to-do list and checking his wallet for his I.D. and credit cards. So just shrugs his shoulders, “My skin is traditionally cold as ice and that part of my thumb retains heat irrefutably.”

            “AHA!” She screams. Then she points at him and dogs this strange jig. Henry isn’t sure what it is that makes him look over the table. Possibly the absence of a clickity-click-click of high heels smashing against his sleek, wooden floors? She wasn’t wearing shoes. Henry stares up after see this minor detail and realizes…

            “You were never going to go?” Henry questions her.

            “Nope! Freddy said your idea was stupid in the meeting today, and that was just, uh, like, _so_ wrong.” She purses her lips and bites back something in her head that she had to remind herself to not say aloud. Henry figured it was something like #MeanBoys (Eliza made him watch Mean Girls recently, and somehow the memory of the wretched film kept permeating all of his thoughts). Or perhaps #PresidentRottenPotato?

            Eliza grins and puts her hands on her hips, “The actual hash tag was #BestBestie – but that doesn’t matter here. You deleted my text. From Freddy…” Then she clicks the home button. She reveals the second message that came across the screen while she was out of the room, “…but not the one from Larry asking if he left his favorite ballpoint gel pen in my backseat?”

            “Freddy is a bad man.” Henry assures her.

            Eliza shakes her head, “Nope.”

            Henry becomes instantly nervous, “Because Freddy is a bad man who objectifies you in spite of your substantial maturing?”

            She just shakes her head, “Not quite…”

            “Don’t make me say why I think you deleted Freddy’s text.” She leans against the table. Is it seductively? Henry doesn’t _want_ to say that it is seductively but, yes, she is definitely doing it seductively. Henry loosens his tie anxiously, just as every nervous businessman always has in questionable situations in every movie every made. After he lets out a slow, controlled breath he whispers.

            “WHAT?” Eliza screams.

            Henry stands up and meets her eye-to-eye, “Because it makes me mad that you text him back.”

            Those were definitely the best words for the question. He didn’t want her to think, you know, that he was…

            “Jealous. You feel jealous, not mad. Jelly Henry.” She mocks him and takes a picture of him with her phone as he grimaces at her words. Seconds later he gets a Snapchat update from Eliza. It’s the picture she just took with a caption, “BF is jigga jelly! Hold up!”

            Henry opens his mouth to protest but seconds later her phone begins ringing. With the smuggest look on her face she turns the screen to him to reveal that Freddy is calling her. While he is rolling his eyes, Eliza answers her phone.

            “President.” She answers with an official voice. Henry twists slightly away from Eliza and tries very hard not to listen to her conversation.

            “Ooo, does that make you jealous?” Eliza practically moans into her phone. Henry begs that she isn’t about to have phone sex in front of him because he swears that he will throw her out onto the patio to fend for herself if she does!

            Thankfully, the conversation changes after that, “If you can’t handle this then you should find out ‘Sup with Daina from Customer Service.”

            Henry jumps in his seat and then stands up and points a finger at her. When she makes her ‘signature pout’ she ends the call by saying, “Sorry but you’re off the ballot. The competition was very stiff and unfortunately you just didn’t perform.”

            The political and sexual references in her farewell were surprisingly satisfying. When she puts her phone down on the table Henry starts clapping, at which point she bows. “Hats off to, uh, me, good sir!”

            They start laughing together until Eliza places her hand on his bicep. Henry looks down with a softened expression. She was touching him and not touching her phone. When she lowers her arm he glances around her to the phone, which he is assuring is absolutely not in her hands.

            “It’s his turn to be jealous. Tonight, I’m staying here with you because, honestly, when Freddy said I looked bloated in my sweatpants I about cried. But you said I looked comfortable and relaxed. It wasn’t what you _wanted_ to say…” She paused, which reminded Henry of what he had wanted to say. Eliza had looked normal. She had looked cute and…maternal? He had thought numerous times that she reminded him of a mom on laundry day….

            “LAUNDRY DAY?” She shouted. Henry hadn’t realized he said his thoughts out loud for Eliza to hear.

            “I remember laundry day when I was kid. Mom and Dad always kissed each other a lot because they were both home all day.” Henry remarked, defending his train of thought. Eliza chuckles. Henry looked appalled and starts to walk away. He makes almost all the way to his bedroom when Eliza comes sprinting behind him. Henry turns to meet her but she doesn’t stop in time.

            The each of them goes tumbling down onto the floor. Eliza sweeps her hair out of her face and grabs Henry’s wrists, locking them against the floor. A sneer painted on her face. And a then she stuck her tongue out at him.

            “Eliza Dooley – do tell me what it is, exactly, that you are doing?” Henry inquires in an attempt to deflect. Eliza drops herself completely lifeless onto his body. After he oofs and groans angrily, he pats her back cautiously.

            “Just tell me that you like me, Henry Higgs!” Her voice penetrates the awkward air like a ceramic knife. It cuts straight through and demands you to take action, or continue the same action in order to compose an end product. Henry grumbles something unintelligible, still forming his thoughts into a cohesive conclusion.

            When time ticks by more slowly he just deflates beneath Eliza’s fragile frame, “I suppose it is entirely possible that I have grown less accepting with sharing your face with others who may wish to pursue you romantically.”

            Eliza twists and wiggles until she is straddling Henry. The entire scene would look like an incredibly bad adult film or an incredibly bad romantic comedy, like some of the last Katherine Heigl films that had been made. She then taps her fingers rhythmically against his chest; “I’m not sure which was harder…” she begins

            Henry just lets out a loud unidentifiable sound that might have been most likened to a war cry. Eliza falls off of him laughing, at which point he goes into his bedroom and slams his door behind him. But Eliza is the type to have the last word. She presses her face at the bottom of his door and almost sings, “Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend! You should get a new one. No Way, No way! You should get a new one…”

            “…ya her?” Eliza is making a total fool of herself to get Henry’s attention. He doesn’t even know when they crossed the bridge from friendship to … what were they now? Henry couldn’t even identify what their relationship was anymore. Underneath it all he had felt himself falling for Eliza little by little by little, even before Julia came into the picture, and even more after Julia. But he couldn’t really tell when Eliza had the same emotional shift. Was hers all at once or in stages as well?

            “I am proposing that I be your new girlfriend. You sleep on that, though, and we can seal the deal over breakfast.” Eliza said. He can hear shuffling outside of his door. Not wanting her to walk away already he ends up cracking the door and hollering at her as she stalks to her own room.

            “Make sure you wake up early enough to attend breakfast, Ms. Dooley.”

            She groans and swears a tiny bit, but ultimately sends him a text message saying that she won’t be late to their first date. She then snap chats herself in lingerie stating that she would be off of the market soon and would have to tone down her antics because of – and she used these exact words – “uptight old-timey marketing exec hottie BF.”

            Henry just smiles at the caption and walks himself right over to his bed. He doesn’t even undress, he just falls face flat into the pillow and mulled over the fact that somehow suddenly he’d agreed to…

            “Red-headed Koreans?” Eliza’s voice sounds behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> not edited at all.  
> can u has forgiveness for me?


End file.
